Research shows that our beliefs, values and ideas are formed by the age of seven. Yes, you read that right. 7!
Those truths we carry around with us, usually unstated and subconsciously, drive our thoughts and feelings and emotions.
Here’s an old story that typifies this.
A man was watching his wife prepare a ham for Sunday dinner and he noticed that she sliced off the end of it before putting it in the roaster. Then she carefully laid that piece on the side of the meat.
When he asked her why she did that, she explained her mother had showed her how to cook and mom always did hams this way.
Out of curiousity they called her mother and put the same question to her.
To their surprise, her mom said that she had been taught the same way by her mother.
So they called grandma and asked her why she cut off a slice of ham before baking it in the over.
Grandma replied, “Oh that’s easy. Back when the children were at home, I needed a big ham to feed everyone but it wouldn’t fit into my roaster. So I cut off a piece and put it on the side.”
Simple, silly story but it shows why we so often do what we do without giving it much thought.
So what are your beliefs and actions that you believe to be true? Here are some that I used to have that I’ve released or changed in the past decade or so:
1. You must have your house mortgage paid off before you retire. If you do, then retirement is easy.
2. Credit is necessary to survive.
3. There is nothing worse than selfishness.
4. Volunteering is a good thing.
5. I can’t survive without my family.
6. A sense of responsibility is the single greatest asset a person can have.
For me, many of my ‘rules of life’ came from the ways I learned to cope in my family.
Over years of working as a therapist, I’ve learned that most people grow up using one of four modalities as a way to make decisions, find fulfillment and live out the dictates of their subconscious. These include:
- The Star
- The Hellraiser
- The Trinket, and
- The Defector
No one is ever only one of these, but for most of us, one role tends to dominate.
Take a moment and consider your family and adult siblings. What do you see? Even without knowing my definitions for these roles, I’ll bet you can place you and your siblings into one of these as a primary way of behaving.
In my e-book “From Where You Are to Where You Want To Be”, I provide a quick assessment for you to determine which of these four roles is your principal way of being in the world (just in case you aren’t sure) and a description of each of them and how they make decisions and face challenges.
If this might be of some value to you, please fill out the contact form below and I will send you the download link. There’s no obligation. It is my pleasure to provide some helpful information to make your life easier.
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